Grateful for being grateful!

This week I have had such a beautiful feeling of possibility! The word comes from the Latin possibilis, which means "able to be done."The fact or state of being possible, abilities that could make someone better, a thing that may be chosen out of several alternatives.  This perfectly describes my state of be-ing--the last several weeks I faced an all out war with the adversary, discovered and felt my power as a daughter of God, and ended up in a place of complete gratitude. 

Through that trial I placed my trust in my Heavenly Father, and I have been so blessed!  I've been feeling and hearing God's love for me through others, discovered a new friendship, and received the gift of opportunity to change my life.  It was always there, but I didn't truly believe it until now!  I have been so grateful, for everything around me and each new day and that gratitude has been filling me so full that I have been joyful!  In fact, yesterday on my drive home I was praying in the car, and saying all the things I was so grateful for and even that I was grateful for being grateful!  And it's true, because it has brought me such happiness and such possibility and hope this last week.

So what holds us back? Back from remembering who we really are, from sharing with others, from connecting with them in absolute truth? For me it was fear.  That is the source of everything I have gone through!  Realizing I have the ability though the grace of Christ to release fear and embrace love has been instrumental--often I will place my hand over my heart and tell myself "All is well, you are safe and supported in this journey." I have learned about so many tools recently that I will share in later posts, but know that the time is now. The time is always now.  Not when you are able to complete all your goals, or when your kids are grown, or when you understand that one thing that keeps messing you up.  The power of the atonement begins the moment you decide to allow it, not after you have done everything you think is possible.  His grace will bring the help and healing that you need, you just need to be willing.

Couch hunting

Saturday I went on an adventure--to find a couch! Pretty soon my house will be partially emptied and I'll need some furniture after the detox from the dog hair. And so began the 7 hour day!

If you know me at all, you know I'm not a very decisive person.  Sometimes I even ask certain people, "Do I like this?"  So a large decision is that much harder!

This one? Bah, too white...

This one? Mayyyybe.

                             

 The girls like this one...I don't know, help!

I had to call in backup! Momma met me back at the Roomloft (my second time there) after we wore out the Ogden places and helped me narrow it down and finally...drum roll please....this is the one! I'm so excited to get to do something new and get started on the transformation!

Dawn

It's amazing how the Lord works sometimes, and you often don't see your progress unless you look back at where you came from.  I look back to one year ago, 2 years ago, 3 years ago...how fearful I was.  Don't get me wrong--I'm still fighting many fears.  But I've gotten to a point where I can start working through them instead of letting them consume me.  One year ago, really actually just a few months ago, I was at a point where I refused to be willing to give up certain things to Him.  I wanted to turn my will over, but with conditions.  Translation=I didn't really trust Him.  I was reading through some passages in my personal journal from about 3 years ago. It was a time when I was facing some very challenging things, but it was also a time when I was very close to Heavenly Father. I realized that in a way, I had forgotten.  I was so fearful that if I started submitting to His will again--without knowing what that would entail--that I would lose people that had become very dear to my heart.  But I had forgotten that it was through that trial several years ago and during that time that I submitted to Him, that I was blessed to have those people brought into my life.

I can't say that it was one amazing moment or experience that started to cause my understanding to shift over these last several months.  Rather it seems it was a combination of many small and simple things that added up.  I went from not even considering being willing in that area, to getting to a point where I am thinking about it.  And I think that's a good step.

Running...away?

*Written probably 4-6 months ago*

Running. That thing I haven't done consistently for a long time. I've recently become very aware of something in my life that has caused me to rethink everything about my interests.  Was I really running for me?  I still can't answer that question. Not yet.
I like to think so. I hope so. It was difficult fitting it into my schedule, and it was hard for me, really a challenge.  But it was also freeing in so many ways. It helped me release negative emotions, stress, anxiety.  I felt good sticking to a commitment for longer than a few weeks. So I guess I at least owe it to myself to try one more time, to see if I truly like the result more than the struggle. And to discover if I want this to continue being one of my "hobbies" or if the time is now passed.

You know that saying, something about being in the place you're supposed to be, and with the people you're meant to be with at that time? It was in a movie I saw recently. Momma says that it's in the scriptures too, and that Daddy says it a lot in his talks--"a time and a season for everything."  But to me it's always attached to some form of goodbye. Letting go has never been something I'm good at, but I'm starting to see how important it is.