*Written probably 4-6 months ago*
Running. That thing I haven't done consistently for a long time. I've recently become very aware of something in my life that has caused me to rethink everything about my interests. Was I really running for me? I still can't answer that question. Not yet.
I like to think so. I hope so. It was difficult fitting it into my schedule, and it was hard for me, really a challenge. But it was also freeing in so many ways. It helped me release negative emotions, stress, anxiety. I felt good sticking to a commitment for longer than a few weeks. So I guess I at least owe it to myself to try one more time, to see if I truly like the result more than the struggle. And to discover if I want this to continue being one of my "hobbies" or if the time is now passed.
You know that saying, something about being in the place you're supposed to be, and with the people you're meant to be with at that time? It was in a movie I saw recently. Momma says that it's in the scriptures too, and that Daddy says it a lot in his talks--"a time and a season for everything." But to me it's always attached to some form of goodbye. Letting go has never been something I'm good at, but I'm starting to see how important it is.
Showing posts with label Running. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Running. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2016
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
On the road again
A song by Martina McBride came on that was really keeping me going, so I played it twice.There was a line that said "I don't think I can do this anymore," and went on to describe that whenever she felt weak, there'd be someone to be strong for her, someone that had her back. "Just take my hand, together we can do it I’m gonna love you through it."
And I just got to thinking how blessed I am in my life, for family and for beautiful friends who became family.For the people in my life who are constantly loving me even when I want to give up. For the few who have continually chosen to stay with me, even after all the times I wasn't easy to love. Those are the thoughts that keep me going. I felt the breeze on my face as I ran, and I looked upon the stars and the mountain side, and I felt watched over.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Put one foot in front of the other
Have you ever felt homesick, when you are home? Every once in a while I do. That's how this afternoon started out, maybe it was because traditions with my grandma used to be a main portion of Peach Days weekend, or maybe just because I've felt like something is missing lately.
I haven't been able to run much at all this week with school starting and crazy schedules, and I miss it. I had finally worked my way up to being able to run 30 minutes straight--no walking--but my pace was SO slow. Momma says at least I am moving and not on the couch, but my big goal still seems so far away.
I've been reading a lot about faith and trust lately. I know this sounds crazy, but I realized that in my mind I have connected running with learning how to trust. When I push myself I often start panicking--how can I possibly keep going? Usually after I fail my running goal, I think about how if I could just trust that my body can keep going, that nothing bad will happen, and push through...
This quote really sums up what I am also learning everyday. I honestly feel that as soon as I can learn to trust myself with running, trust what others are telling me, then I will simultaneously be learning to trust in Heavenly Father's plan for me. Or maybe even the other way around. If I can just DO it!
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This has been hanging where I could see it everyday for the past year. Each quote holds a special memory or meaning for me, especially "You is smart, you is kind, you is important." Oh how often I needed those words! I am slowly realizing I am worth more than I thought, capable of so much, and gaining strength with every step I take. I think it's time I update this board :)
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Just keep running.....or just keep swimming
"I believe I am always divinely guided. I believe I will always take the right road. I believe God will always make a way where there is no way." --Christopher S. Wren.
This past weekend I had the privilege of going to Island Park and staying in Gibby cabin for a girls only retreat--I will post more about that later. There is something to be said about being away from the city and out in nature for a while. It's almost like leaving the world behind.
Combine with that the wonderful sisterhood that comes with such trips--friendships made or strengthened--and it just doesn't get much better than that. (AND someone who is willing to paint other's toe nails, that's love!)
It was so nice to just sit outside in the stillness and read scriptures, and I felt a little closer to heaven. Momma joined me and we spoke of second chances, learning from the past but not getting stuck there, and how there is a way provided for all of us if we choose it. We always have a choice--even when it seems we don't.
I spent some time thinking after other conversations as well--I am constantly amazed at how Heavenly Father really does know me and how he tells me that through others. Sometimes there are things another person shares, unexpectedly, that you know can't be coincidence. The things we need, forward steps, they are good but that doesn't mean they aren't hard.
The night we got back home all I could think about was running. I wanted to run, and run, and then just keep running. Running has been doing much more than just helping me accomplish goals--it helps me let go of hard things and keep going. It's while running that I often find myself. I don't understand why things happen or what the next steps are, but I am learning to trust and to "just keep swimming," and I am grateful for the blessing of having others that don't let me forget that.
This past weekend I had the privilege of going to Island Park and staying in Gibby cabin for a girls only retreat--I will post more about that later. There is something to be said about being away from the city and out in nature for a while. It's almost like leaving the world behind.
Combine with that the wonderful sisterhood that comes with such trips--friendships made or strengthened--and it just doesn't get much better than that. (AND someone who is willing to paint other's toe nails, that's love!)
It was so nice to just sit outside in the stillness and read scriptures, and I felt a little closer to heaven. Momma joined me and we spoke of second chances, learning from the past but not getting stuck there, and how there is a way provided for all of us if we choose it. We always have a choice--even when it seems we don't.
I spent some time thinking after other conversations as well--I am constantly amazed at how Heavenly Father really does know me and how he tells me that through others. Sometimes there are things another person shares, unexpectedly, that you know can't be coincidence. The things we need, forward steps, they are good but that doesn't mean they aren't hard.
The night we got back home all I could think about was running. I wanted to run, and run, and then just keep running. Running has been doing much more than just helping me accomplish goals--it helps me let go of hard things and keep going. It's while running that I often find myself. I don't understand why things happen or what the next steps are, but I am learning to trust and to "just keep swimming," and I am grateful for the blessing of having others that don't let me forget that.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Ape and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Run...
Do you remember back in elementary school when they would have those pentathlon/triathlon whatever da heck thingies? It was like exercise but "fun," and then everyone who beat a certain level would get the Presidential Fitness Award, followed up by the National Fitness Award.
Yep, that one! Well I never got one of those, EVER. In fact, when Jr. High and High School hit, the thing I dreaded most about P.E. class was the mile run. So why in the world becoming a runner has become so important to me now I have no idea--I hate running!
About 5 weeks ago I decided I wished I liked to run. I imagined how it would feel to be free, to forget the world for a while and just...run. It was something I did not think I could do--and so began my drive to learn how. The training sheet I am using is supposed to enable me to run 3 miles straight by gradually conditioning my body to do so. It was a struggle but I had been completing each step...until a few weeks ago.
As I prepared for this morning's run I tried hard to tell myself "you can!" But after 5 failed attempts over the last few weeks, discouragement was winning. Momma ran with me--oh how I envy her ability! I need a good accountability partner, you know, encouraging yet unrelenting and pushy (love you too!)
I had been making it through 3 of the 4 splits, but today I only made it through 1 before I felt myself breaking down. Those last two shouldn't even count I did so bad. She kept telling me I couldn't quit yet--"just make it to that basketball hoop, the garbage can, the car, come on, let's go!" Crazy how LONG the last minute of a split can be when you are dying! My stomach hurt so bad, like someone had kicked me in the gut. My lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air, I couldn't breathe and I was panicking. Pretty sure I was running in fetal position (imagine that one), and Momma kept telling me to put a smile on my face! Really?! She said I could hit her for it later ;)
Then I gave in to those negative thoughts, I actually told myself I was going to stop running at "that car." Honestly, I would have stopped running and sat down if Momma hadn't been with me, I wanted to quit. I had told myself I wouldn't quit until I could DO this, but now I had doubts. Could I really do it?
Momma says she heard somewhere that your body can do more than your mind tells you it can--I imagine getting my mind to trust more might give me the willpower I need. So maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm in over my head, and maybe running will never get easier for me. But maybe, just maybe it's what I need to prove to myself that I can make it through something hard.
Yep, that one! Well I never got one of those, EVER. In fact, when Jr. High and High School hit, the thing I dreaded most about P.E. class was the mile run. So why in the world becoming a runner has become so important to me now I have no idea--I hate running!
About 5 weeks ago I decided I wished I liked to run. I imagined how it would feel to be free, to forget the world for a while and just...run. It was something I did not think I could do--and so began my drive to learn how. The training sheet I am using is supposed to enable me to run 3 miles straight by gradually conditioning my body to do so. It was a struggle but I had been completing each step...until a few weeks ago.
STOP! "Do not pass Go, do not collect $200!" Stuck.
As I prepared for this morning's run I tried hard to tell myself "you can!" But after 5 failed attempts over the last few weeks, discouragement was winning. Momma ran with me--oh how I envy her ability! I need a good accountability partner, you know, encouraging yet unrelenting and pushy (love you too!)
I had been making it through 3 of the 4 splits, but today I only made it through 1 before I felt myself breaking down. Those last two shouldn't even count I did so bad. She kept telling me I couldn't quit yet--"just make it to that basketball hoop, the garbage can, the car, come on, let's go!" Crazy how LONG the last minute of a split can be when you are dying! My stomach hurt so bad, like someone had kicked me in the gut. My lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air, I couldn't breathe and I was panicking. Pretty sure I was running in fetal position (imagine that one), and Momma kept telling me to put a smile on my face! Really?! She said I could hit her for it later ;)
Then I gave in to those negative thoughts, I actually told myself I was going to stop running at "that car." Honestly, I would have stopped running and sat down if Momma hadn't been with me, I wanted to quit. I had told myself I wouldn't quit until I could DO this, but now I had doubts. Could I really do it?
Momma says she heard somewhere that your body can do more than your mind tells you it can--I imagine getting my mind to trust more might give me the willpower I need. So maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm in over my head, and maybe running will never get easier for me. But maybe, just maybe it's what I need to prove to myself that I can make it through something hard.
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