Falling asleep--or not

It's late, and I can't sleep.  Today I stayed home sick after some convincing last night--I usually tough it out unless I am physically unable to get out of bed.  Momma dropped off some apple cider and movies for me to watch (thanks for making me cry!) And Chels kept my kids and even brought them home to me after dance.  The day alone proved to be exactly what I needed in more than one way--at least a start.  Things have been changing, as I'm told they often do.  How many times can I write a sentence just to backspace and start over? This is a good example of where I'm at, though.  How quickly balance is lost--here it goes.

Running. Such wonderful self discoveries while running, and in the beautiful fall weather.  I battle myself to go these days--it's a strange feeling not wanting to do anything but trying to convinced yourself otherwise at the same time! Some days I want to push harder and harder, until I actually do and then I want to quit. 

The leaves on this tree were so pretty I saw a few weeks back while I was running!

This is the road right by Grandma.  I love it there, it's so peaceful. I go there often to talk with her, if I'm having a hard day, questioning where I belong, or sometimes just to cry.  I can say anything and everything and I know she will still be there --still love me no matter what. Except that she's not. Here I mean. Go ahead and laugh now, I talk to people who no longer exist! Removed--have you ever felt like that?

Well now that I've succeeded at saying a bunch of absolutely nothing anyone will be able to make sense of, I think I will try to sleep. After I find me some chocolate of course! Goodnight.